Life Doesn’t Have To Look A Certain Way!

Every mom I’ve ever known seems like a hero to me.

I am in awe of what you mom’s represent to me. I tell every mother who is expecting a child, “you are the most powerful force on the planet!”

To me, a mother is a superhero! It is flabbergasting to me what you do!

I knew from a young age, deep within my soul, I should never have kids.  Not sure why, it was just a VERY STRONG KNOWING.  The closest I’ve come to being a mom is the time I care for animals. That seems fulfilling for me!

As for my mom, she had 5 children with my father and she had the strength to leave him when I was a baby (I was the youngest).

He was a womanizer.  He needed a lot of attention from women. Year after year, she tried to get past one infidelity after another then, one day,  made the decision to stay gone from him for good.

Back in the early 60s, nobody got divorced. She put up her boundaries for respect. I love that about her. She was a pioneer in getting a divorce! There was such a sense of shame surrounding divorce.

Not my mom, she chose to feel good about herself again and take back her power.

I’ve always looked at her life and thought how out of the ordinary it was that she was never with another man again.  

My judgment was, “oh that’s so sad.” Women are still made to feel a sense of shame about being alone and not in a relationship, as if there’s something so unnatural and wrong about it.

She was 30 years old and never had another relationship.  I saw it as sad then but now I see it as more of a gift.  Being in relationship with ourselves is a powerful gift!

Most long time married people have never really felt it, the long bouts of alone time. It is wonderful. Most people who live alone are depicted as being sad and pathetic, all alone, how awful. That’s just not always the case!

There are millions of people who have happy and fulfilling lives without a partner. The judgment needs to be tempered and tamed.

One of my 83 year old clients has been widowed for 13 years. It took her a good 5 years to adjust to living and being alone. Now, though, she is clear that she would rather live alone than live with a man.

She has a new boyfriend who is newly widowed and he wants to sell his house and he wants them to live together. She doesn’t want to do it. She doesn’t want to go through that time of adjusting to another person in her space.

She loves her time alone.

I get it. I’m in the same boat.

I have become like my mother. It took 58 years for me but there is something so freeing and joyous about being alone with myself and loving it!

To all those who think it HAS TO LOOK A CERTAIN WAY, please back yourself off and make your own life better.   Stop pressuring people to be in a relationship when they are happy about not being in one.  

Not everyone has to look the same as everyone else!

So on this Mother’s Day, I sing praises to my mom for showing me that life doesn’t have to look a certain way. Most people’s lives look similar, that doesn’t mean that is the only way life should look!

Not everyone has to get back out in the world and hook up with another person to be happy. We can be happy living alone and on our own. Truly, we can!

My mom has created a family that goes on and on. She has Grandchildren and Great Grandchildren and that is JOY personified.. She is well-read and wise, always an ear of kindness and compassion to those in need emotionally. She is a beautifully designed woman full of qualities and traits that are rare in this world.

I am grateful for the example mom set for me, my life is very out of the ordinary.

Growing up, my friends would say, “your mom is cool.”

She will be 88 this November.  Oh, that’s interesting, she has lived 58 years on her own without a man and I am 58 years old now.  

Even if I live the next 30 years without a man in my life ever again,  I will know it is my choice and it is okay.  I am the source of my happiness and I am enough.

Happy Mother’s Day Mom and thank you for showing me who you are. Life doesn’t look the same for every person and that is a relief to me. Phew!

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