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Angel Activity

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I remember a time when if I were to read that title, “Angel Activity” I wouldn’t even bother reading the rest.

I never believed in angels. It sounds really sweet and spiritual but I never gave it much thought.
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Our beliefs are sometimes hard to bust through, but it’s pretty incredible when they BUST!

Recently, though, I have a very close friend that passed and I know she is swirling around me, watching over me, hovering closely. Does that sound whacked to you?!!AngelFalls

It would have sounded whacked to me not too long ago. The first time I KNEW WITHOUT A DOUBT she was there was one of the most powerfully magical moments I’ve ever witnessed!


A very angry man who could not control his emotions or actions was enraged. He grabbed my jaw and began to squeeze–it felt like my jaw was in a vice grip.


In my mind I thought, “he’s going to break my jaw,” and THEN in a BURST of a moment, the energy went out of my jaw and burst through his hand and popped a metacarpal tendon on the back of his hand. IT WAS LOUD!

In an instant, he was writhing in pain on the floor and I couldn’t help but have this smile of utter disbelief and awe fixed upon my face.

At the time, I didn’t realize it was my friend Cil. I just thought it was God or the Universe or whatever force you want to call it, protecting me and he thought for sure he was being punished by God!angelhears

Then, 2 days later I was sitting quietly and going within when the thought occurred to me, “maybe that was Cil.” As soon as I thought it, a flood of goose bumps covered my body in ripples–it was palpable! I will call them angel bumps now!

They say, those who have passed use mostly energy and electricity to get through to us. I have found this to be true on more than one occasion.

Oh God yes, that was my friend Cil. She had known all about the drama between this on again off again boyfriend and I. I tried to end it over and over but his words of hope and the intense chemical attraction we both shared always drew me back in.

Over and over it became quite clear to me that this is truly what the word TOXIC means. I don’t need to tell you the whole saga but the point is, she knew every bit of it and she was surely there in that room hovering close.

She was so sick near the end of her time here on earth that I was her only friend left and the only person who spent any time talking to her. All of her other friends dumped her because they got tired of listening to all her pain and sickness stories.

I had compassion for her. I wanted her to feel like her life mattered so I listened to the meaningless stories and tried my best to be an ear of loving support for her.

In any case, the point is, she had a reason to be there in that room while the grip was getting tighter on my jaw. She had heard through our calls that his angry outbursts had the potential to escalate to physical outbursts and not just the ugly words that flew out of his mouth.
Trust

Cil always assured me, the closer she came to passing, that she would ALWAYS BE WITH ME! She had experienced an on going relationship with both her mother and father after they passed. She was true to her word!

Just this evening on my drive home, when I got in my electric car the infotainment center was not lighting up and my phone was not connecting automatically.

I drove for about 10 minutes trying to turn it off and on and get it to snap on. I had a long drive ahead of me so I wanted to at least have some fun music to accompany me.

Finally, I thought of Cil and asked out loud, “Cil can you please turn this on now for me!” I kid you not, within 5 seconds it was lit up and my phone was connecting.

Yes indeed, it’s hard to deny and it’s hard to stay closed off to the possibility of Angel Activity when I have my very own with me whenever I need her. I feel so blessed and protected.

I can hear her sweet words encouraging me when I am too hard on myself, I can feel her comforting presence when I feel overwhelmed with all the different directions my life goes in.

Today is Cil’s birthday–here’s to you Cil. Your sweetness and enthusiasm were a powerful force when you were in physical form and now I must say, it is just as powerful in your loving Angelic form. I love you!

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Safe and Secure? Not So Sure

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Security is an illusion. 

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure.”  Helen Keller

These are the words that ring in my mind when I think things seem too daring for me, I remind myself that security does not really exist and that avoiding danger is no safer than exposure.

When at the precipice of anything new, there is always the urge to turn back and go to where our lives are comfortable and “secure.”
GodCare

I’m 7 months into a new relationship that has been full of love, miracles, connection and synchronicity.  I’m glad I reminded myself of Helen Keller’s sentiment because with anything in life, there are the balancing energies that cause a bit of fear and the desire to go back to when things SEEMED safe and secure.

Risk, vulnerability, and an overall letting go of concern for the future or the past, now that is a trick.  Love, new and developing love, is always unsure.  Why not think and feel in the direction of hope and trust?

If we stay focused in “back then,”  we miss being here.  If we worry about what’s going to happen, we miss being here and now.

Oh how we cling to our ways though, I had gotten so comfortable being on my own, when things became challenging in our relationship, I thought about running back to when it was all so much easier!

Trust, faith, and moving in the direction of the light are what I strive for.  If I listen to the concerns of society and some who spend most of their time in fear, I am bound to draw back in fear and doubt.  If I’m not careful, I’ll hear those concerns coming from my own mind chatter!

It reminds me of a piece I wrote, Pronoia.  Are we going to be paranoid and expect the worst to happen or are we going to turn paranoia upside down and expect the best!   https://naturegirltara.wordpress.com/2013/02/09/choose-pronoia/

Yes, that’s what I choose.  I choose faith and I choose a daring adventure.HappyTara

I choose the daring adventure, even when it gets scary and challenging because that’s just the illusion creeping in.

I told a friend, “I want to spend most of my time living in the realm of NOW, the space of being in the presence of God, the presence of Love, and the presence of what is possible.”   Amen!!!

Those times when I find myself wallowing in the “what is” consciousness, I wake up and fill myself with the knowing that there is no Security and that life really is a daring adventure that can start right now, if we allow it!

Goethe writes,   “Whatever you can do or dream you can do, begin it.  Boldness has genius, magic, and power in it!”

 

 

 

 

25 years Of Living & Learning In Los Angeles

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June marks 25 years living in California.

 

Here are 25 things I have learned about living in Los Angeles after  25 years of living here:

 

1)  I really don’t have to fit in with the crowd here–NOR do I want to!

 

2)  In time, everyone talks like a “Californian.”  We say things like, “yeah, traffic was so great today–I took the 405 to the 101 then down Kanan to PCH into Malibu, then back up Malibu Canyon to the 101 to the 405 and home–I flew the whole time!”

 

 

3)  There  are so many natural places to play, it’s not just a cement jungle!  There are the San Gabriel’s, the Santa Susana’s and my stomping grounds, the Santa Monica mountains.  Play, play, play! EagleRock

 

 

4)  When I go to Beverly Hills, I feel like a fish out of water!  There are oversized lips and boobs and the gaudiest cars and stores and everyone WANTS you to see them.  It just feels odd.

 

 

5)  My environment caters to my healthy lifestyle–everywhere I go! Health food stores, restaurants, markets, healthy pharmacies, juice bars, and yoga studios abound!malibugymsteamroom

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6)  Meetup.com inspires me in more ways than just meeting people.  Meeting people is easy because there are a lot of people and there are a lot of people wanting to meet people! MeetupPhotomy meetup hike

 

7)  Riding my bike along the 22 mile ocean bike path from Pacific Palisades to Palos Verdes has been a dream of mine since I was 10- pure joy and exhilarating beauty!IMG_0268

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8)  Yes, you CAN find lots of places to ride horses and yes your childhood dreams can come true and yes you could live on a private horse ranch and learn more than you could ever imagine about horses–I did!

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9)  Yes, you can go to the beach in the morning and be on the ski slopes by afternoon!  Road trips up North are my favorite–the whole of this state thrills me!  The hike/climb up to Half Dome in Yosemite is a major highlight!purple passion point dume

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10)  Rainy days are embraced and cherished, they provide a much-needed break from all the sunshine!

 

 

11)  Malibu really does feel like a small town.  It is as beautiful as you might imagine.  Malibu is where my soul resides, it is my Shangri-La! onewiththetrailtara

 

12)  I love the endless choice of yoga studios in Santa Monica–The Mecca of Yoga.  I’ve learned from many teachers and they’ve all been in Santa Monica.  I know how fortunate I am to live HERE.   I can’t imagine my life without my yoga practice!taratreeinyosemite

 

13)  People who live in affluence are not as you imagine–most I have met, anyway, are the real deal– lovely and generous and some of the nicest people in my sphere.  To judge anyone for any reason is the most limiting activity there is!

Classy Cat!

Classy Cat!

14)  Even though this is a big city with lots of people, sometimes a person can feel very alone.  Other times, it is so small and I run into people I know all over the place!Papparazz

 

15)  Driving in traffic can be beautiful, honestly!  I see massive amounts of beauty from high atop the freeway overpasses.  And no, traffic doesn’t only happen in Los Angeles, traffic happens in every city!  I love my electric car,  it actually gains miles on the battery while in traffic instead of sucking up gas!

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17)  Not driving my car and riding my bike to work is freedom!

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18)  Yes, you can enjoy going to museums–my favorite is  just across the canyon–The J. Paul Getty museum off the busiest freeway–the 405!  I have a confession to make though, once I took a friend there and we didn’t even go inside and look at the art.  We stayed outside looking at the gardens and the views of the city!  The art IS amazing though, so hard to comprehend the precision and talent that exists in all of us.GettyGardens

 

19)  I have made more friends here than anywhere I’ve ever lived.  Most of my friends I’ve met through the myriad of personal growth I’ve been through.  Landmark Education (http://www.landmarkworldwide.com/the-landmark-forum) stands out as a huge influence in my transformation.  I am supremely grateful to the work they do in over 20 countries worldwide.  My Abraham-Hicks cruise friends and local meetup meetings with like-minded people sharing uplifting stories of worthiness and the magic and miracles that happen everyday is priceless.  Sharing.

20)  The free concerts on the Santa Monica Pier in the summertime FEEL really good.  To be out in the night-time ocean air listening to music and meeting new people is my kind of night!

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21)   There are farmers markets everyday of the week all year round in my town and surrounding towns.  That is such a gift!IMG_2631

22)  In all the years I’ve lived here, I’ve not taken one day for granted.  I love where I live and have lived and I’m so glad I made the bold move out here those 25 years ago.

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23)  Again, I say, “fitting in”  is not an option for me here.  Authenticity does exist and only we can choose it for ourselves.  The alternative is working really hard to look good to all the people around you.  Ugh,  as Ralph Waldo Emerson writes, “envy is ignorance and imitation is suicide!”

 

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24) Take time to play, it is the secret to perpetual youth!  
25)  Listen to your intuition, your gut feelings, they are always correct!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Caught Up!

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People are really caught up in the appearances of it all. 

Just the other day, my friend that I’ve known, more than half my life,  made a comment that threw me for a loop!

We had just walked past  Owen Wilson in a coffee shop–I made eye contact and he said hello (this is about the 3rd time I’ve seen him and he has seen me out and about in Malibu).  My friend and I  had these fantasies that he was actually interested in chatting with us further and that perhaps he kept his eye on us as we left.  Ha!OceanOwen

Anyway, as we approached my car (my 14-year-old car with peeling paint), she stopped short and said, “wait, I can’t let him see me.”  I wasn’t sure what she meant and it took me a minute to figure it out–she was embarrassed to get in my car!

Wow, gosh, golly and gee–I thought I knew this friend!

I don’t know, who wants to be with someone, anyone, who judges us by the car we drive?  It just seems so foreign to me these days.  BUT, sadly, it is truly the norm.

Yes, it might be nice to get into my brand new chocolate-brown Tesla, but I can assure you, it won’t change who I am.  If someone chooses not to associate with me because I drive a 14-year-old car,  I wouldn’t want them in my life anyway.

What a thrill I had when I read this quote by Owen Wilson:

“I don’t like caring what other people think, but I do. There’s a freedom when you meet someone who doesn’t care, who is just themselves in all situations.  To just be yourself, and not try to sell anything, or make a good impression, that’s something worth striving towards.”

I will continue to strive.

Time Passages!

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It’s a thrill to know that someone from over 30 years ago was thinking of me today, remembering me, speaking about me fondly. 

I got a message from one of my Facebook friends.  She is the daughter of my very first boss!

Tino, my boss who I haven’t been in touch with in almost 30 years, had some blinds installed in their home today.  As he and his wife talked to the young man who installed the blinds, he discovered that Tino was the co-owner of Howard’s Drugs in Livonia, MI.

That was the connecting fuse.  Paul ( a young man I dated briefly) knew me when I worked at Howard’s.

What’s very cool is, now I am going to be in touch with the very first boss I ever had!

For years, after leaving Howard’s to go out and explore new horizons,  I would always pop in every few months and just stay in touch.

It was hard to let those connections go!IMG_0508

Tino and Dennis (the Pharmacists and Co-Owners) were such a formidable part of  my growing up.  I started working there when I was 17.  I worked my way up as a cashier of the tobacco and candy counter  to the pharmacy where I worked for 6 years.  I learned a lot about life there in that pharmacy!

After several years of popping in and catching up though, they sold the store and there was something so sad and empty inside me–that I couldn’t go and see people that were once a part of my life, really a part of my growing up!  Home base.17yroldTara

Sometimes I feel that way about all of my past relationships.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could  just “catch up” with everyone we ever knew and loved?  Well, maybe not everyone!

Facebook  has added a depth and richness to my life, we really are fortunate to live in this time–this would never have been relayed to me without my Facebook friend connection!

In his email reply,  hearing from me after all these years Tino said,  “I tell you I got just as excited as your old friend Paul– when he came running back in the house and said, “I was in love with Tara” and I said, “we all loved Tara.”  We both enjoyed the moment!

Think about it.  Life is  long.  We touch lots of lives and go through many stages and take all kinds of paths.  To hear that someone from all those years ago is remembering you, talking about you, wondering about you — makes you…transcendent!TaraPikeMarket

Can’t think of any other word to describe it.

I

You

We…

Transcend Time!

We go BEYOND the limits of time!tara-and-the-coastline.jpg

There’s just something so sweet about that.  Even though people are gone from our lives, they are still part of our lives and we are still part of theirs. Our soul is our home.

I’m not sure if it’s just that I’m a very reflective person or if it happens to everyone, but so many people pop into my conscious thoughts and memories.  Mostly just flashes, but it’s enough of a flash to be a thrill.

Yes,  I do believe I’m living my heaven on earth when I have those flashes–all the best characters of my life  visit me everyday.  Thank you!

Love IS– My Sister Valorie!

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It really does seem true–the people we’ve known and loved the longest seem to be taken for granted the most!

Well, let me tell you about my sister Valorie!

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Our bond started early, she spoke for me.

I’m not sure when I did start talking but my mom had to have a real serious talk with Valorie because whenever someone asked me a question, Valorie always answered it.  “What’s your name?”  “Her name is Tara”.  “How old are you Tara?”  “She’s 3” ….Mom had to sit her down, get her attention and explain how important it was to let me start talking for myself.

Thanks to Valorie, I speak up  for myself and I’m good at it!

Valorie was always there for me.  Even though she is only 2 years older than me, she was the closest thing to mom that I had. ValandTaraFerrisWheel

Until she wasn’t….

As I got a bit older, maybe from the age of 10 to 15, Valorie became a bit of a bully to me (I suppose I was a bit of a brat too).  Not all the time, but a lot of the time, she was really rough on me.

She once rubbed dog poop in my face and mouth and sat on my head and pulled my hair til it felt like it had all been pulled out.  

If you see her wrist, there’s a big scar on it–she went to punch me (after I kicked her)  and I shut the door as she punched–right through the glass window.  Oh I thought she would kill me after that one!  There was blood everywhere, we had to go get her some stitches.  Drama–but this is what growing up with a sibling looks like, it’s not always love and light !  This is life at it’s best, really!

 I survived.

As the years rolled by, we grew up.  Valorie became a girlfriend to a couple of different guys–I still know their names and can still see their faces vividly.  They weren’t good enough for Valorie and her intuition guided her out of those places.  Not  long after,  she found the love of her life and she’s  been married to Glen for 35 years.   They have two lovely daughters who are off in the world and living and enjoying life.ValandGlenBLUE

Even though the closeness Valorie and I  shared as children marched forward in years, we still feel the essence of that closeness in this present time.

Valorie has rooted for me and supported me in a myriad of ways.  Although they may have been unspoken, I have felt them.Sister

There is something about those early years that just imbeds itself  into my  cells and my memories.  Feelings and emotions are hard to encapsulate into words.   To me, though, the feelings and emotions that came from being loved by my sister Valorie have just held on–as if in an infinite embrace.  I am supported, I am loved.

I am held in an infinite embrace.

So, even though we don’t often speak our respect and appreciation frequently and freely, it will always be there in the depth of my being.  The space it holds feels so dear to me.  There is no questioning that space–no doubt about her love for me– it just remains and it just IS.TarAnd Valorie

To the people who know my sister Valorie, you will all agree, she is so much to so many people.

She is a friend and confidant to everyone she knows–they can all count on her ear to be there for the listening. 

Valorie is a loving mother,  a loving wife, a loving daughter and a loving daughter-in-law.  She is constantly giving of herself to everyone around her.  Her job is so perfect for her–she gets to help welcome newborn babies into the world since she is a labor and delivery nurse–that is the most powerful place on the planet–in the presence of those miracles– and she gets to be there all the time!

It is clear to me, she deserves to be in that miraculous place because she is such a gift to everyone she knows.  GlowingValorie

Out of all the people I’ve known throughout my lifetime, Valorie is the most open-minded and open-hearted person.    She can hear a story, feel the emotions and be the first to want to engage with someone who may have been emotionally detached for a lifetime.

She is just plain fair and sensible and loving and always expecting the best out of people.

Gosh, I hope she really gets who she is for everyone in her life–the words I use certainly cannot give her the praise she deserves.

Even though she knows in the depth of her being  how I feel about her, I wanted her to hear it again–at least once in sentiment and words.  Her spirit fills me up –all the way  up–all the time that I’m in her presence!  My love for Valorie lives in infinity!ValorieFritzyTara

Facebook Friends

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The other evening, I noticed I was starting to have withdrawal pains for my facebook friends in the cyber world.  I had been going all day with no time for the computer and I felt the tug.

It was a strange feeling, but it was really clear, I really appreciate the relationships I connect to even when I don’t see them in person and don’t leave my home. 

Seems like an odd concept to most of us and a fairly new feeling for me.

I know there are still people who don’t connect this way and, usually, they think people like us are whack jobs!  My ex-husband was one of those.  He couldn’t believe how many people would be plugged in front of their computers all night.

Now, after 6 years of being apart, when I hear him say that, I try to help him have some compassion. 

I’m living in that world now, where I have no significant other to talk to and socialize with.  He has a girlfriend he lives with and I have some dogs I can hang out with, but no one in person to talk to!  It’s just great to have connections “out there”.

I’m not unhappy or lonely, but it does help to have my facebook friends.

Just because we are connecting over the computer does not make us pathetic and lonely, it enhances the life we’re living.

That’s what I think anyway.  I am so thankful for my facebook friends.  Having you there has helped me through some tough times and having you there has  made for some really great memories.

I know that many think all the technology has made us zombies, the texting and the twitter and the list goes on with the ways we can connect.  It is different than when I grew up, but gosh, I’m really grateful.

I have connected to friends that I thought I’d never see or talk to again.  No, we’re not all close but there is a connection.  Connection is one of my highest values in life.  If I’m not on line connecting, I’m out in the world connecting.  One doesn’t replace the other, but one absolutely enhances the other.  Thank you for being on my “connection radar!”