Love Hurts

I remember my first date EVER–the song playing on the radio was “Love Hurts” by Nazareth (https://youtu.be/6pHNkOQCIzkLove Hurts)

Nick picked me up in his classic Oldsmobile, can’t remember the year but it was old.  When he backed out of the driveway,  his car wouldn’t go into forward drive!

It was quite a scene.

So, we drove in reverse down the street for a couple of blocks before it decided it would shift into drive.  All the while, “Love Hurts” was playing on the radio.

That is one of those moments etched in my mind.  My first date turned into my first love and Love did Hurt!   It went on and on with make ups and break ups and lies and betrayals and all kinds of HURT!

“It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.”  Those are the words and feelings I tried to embody after that  first break up with my very first love in life.  They were simple words that did soothe the pain.

Now, 35 years later, I find comfort in the words again .  Yes, my heart has broken into a million pieces because what I thought was going to be a perfect partnership, turned out otherwise.  LOVE HURTS!

Yes, from the place I sit today, it feels like it would be much easier to just avoid the love offerings out there.  You know, just stay out of the game and sit on the sidelines so I don’t have to get bruised and burned again.

That, though, is the ultimate betrayal.

Being in a relationship that becomes deep and intimate is such a gift–a gift of learning  about ourselves through those other eyes.

I have learned so much about myself this time around and now it’s time to go back to work on healing my precious Tara within.  I will get back to loving myself completely before I can even attempt to love another.  He simply reflected to me, like a mirror, all the ways I need to love myself more.

 

I really did think I loved myself fully.  I guess I can say I was fortunate to go through this to see that I’ve got more work to do on ME!

So, even though LOVE HURTS, I am willing–willing to love myself fully and then and only then will I want to get back on the field and play the game!!!

 

 

 

 

 

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Safe and Secure? Not So Sure

Security is an illusion. 

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure.”  Helen Keller

These are the words that ring in my mind when I think things seem too daring for me, I remind myself that security does not really exist and that avoiding danger is no safer than exposure.

When at the precipice of anything new, there is always the urge to turn back and go to where our lives are comfortable and “secure.”

I’m 7 months into a new relationship that has been full of love, miracles, connection and synchronicity.  I’m glad I reminded myself of Helen Keller’s sentiment because with anything in life, there are the balancing energies that cause a bit of fear and the desire to go back to when things SEEMED safe and secure.

Risk, vulnerability, and an overall letting go of concern for the future or the past, now that is a trick.  Love, new and developing love, is always unsure.  Why not think and feel in the direction of hope and trust?

If we stay focused in “back then,”  we miss being here.  If we worry about what’s going to happen, we miss being here and now.

Oh how we cling to our ways though, I had gotten so comfortable being on my own, when things became challenging in our relationship, I thought about running back to when it was all so much easier!

Trust, faith, and moving in the direction of the light are what I strive for.  If I listen to the concerns of society and some who spend most of their time in fear, I am bound to draw back in fear and doubt.  If I’m not careful, I’ll hear those concerns coming from my own mind chatter!

It reminds me of a piece I wrote, Pronoia.  Are we going to be paranoid and expect the worst to happen or are we going to turn paranoia upside down and expect the best!   https://naturegirltara.wordpress.com/2013/02/09/choose-pronoia/

Yes, that’s what I choose.  I choose faith and I choose a daring adventure.

I choose the daring adventure, even when it gets scary and challenging because that’s just the illusion creeping in.

I told a friend, “I want to spend most of my time living in the realm of NOW, the space of being in the presence of God, the presence of Love, and the presence of what is possible.”   Amen!!!

Those times when I find myself wallowing in the “what is” consciousness, I wake up and fill myself with the knowing that there is no Security and that life really is a daring adventure that can start right now, if we allow it!

Goethe writes,   “Whatever you can do or dream you can do, begin it.  Boldness has genius, magic, and power in it!”

 

 

Time Passages!

It’s a thrill to know that someone from over 30 years ago was thinking of me today, remembering me, speaking about me fondly. 

I got a message from one of my Facebook friends.  She is the daughter of my very first boss!

Tino, my boss who I haven’t been in touch with in almost 30 years, had some blinds installed in their home today.  As he and his wife talked to the young man who installed the blinds, he discovered that Tino was the co-owner of Howard’s Drugs in Livonia, MI.

That was the connecting fuse.  Paul ( a young man I dated briefly) knew me when I worked at Howard’s.

What’s very cool is, now I am going to be in touch with the very first boss I ever had!

For years, after leaving Howard’s to go out and explore new horizons,  I would always pop in every few months and just stay in touch.

It was hard to let those connections go!

Tino and Dennis (the Pharmacists and Co-Owners) were such a formidable part of  my growing up.  I started working there when I was 17.  I worked my way up as a cashier of the tobacco and candy counter  to the pharmacy where I worked for 6 years.  I learned a lot about life there in that pharmacy!

After several years of popping in and catching up though, they sold the store and there was something so sad and empty inside me–that I couldn’t go and see people that were once a part of my life, really a part of my growing up!  Home base.

Sometimes I feel that way about all of my past relationships.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could  just “catch up” with everyone we ever knew and loved?  Well, maybe not everyone!

Facebook  has added a depth and richness to my life, we really are fortunate to live in this time–this would never have been relayed to me without my Facebook friend connection!

In his email reply,  hearing from me after all these years Tino said,  “I tell you I got just as excited as your old friend Paul– when he came running back in the house and said, “I was in love with Tara” and I said, “we all loved Tara.”  We both enjoyed the moment!

Think about it.  Life is  long.  We touch lots of lives and go through many stages and take all kinds of paths.  To hear that someone from all those years ago is remembering you, talking about you, wondering about you — makes you…transcendent!

Can’t think of any other word to describe it.

I

You

We…

Transcend Time!

We go BEYOND the limits of time!

There’s just something so sweet about that.  Even though people are gone from our lives, they are still part of our lives and we are still part of theirs. Our soul is our home.

I’m not sure if it’s just that I’m a very reflective person or if it happens to everyone, but so many people pop into my conscious thoughts and memories.  Mostly just flashes, but it’s enough of a flash to be a thrill.

Yes,  I do believe I’m living my heaven on earth when I have those flashes–all the best characters of my life  visit me everyday.  Thank you!

Money For Nothing

Growing up I never had any anticipation of receiving an inheritance.

There was barely enough to get by week to week let alone receive anything more–my mom worked 2 jobs and my father was not present.  My father had another family and if there was any sort of inheritance, I’m sure they would be receiving it so I just never thought I would get an inheritance.

Well, I was so mistaken because I just received the greatest inheritance of my life!

No, it didn’t come in the form of money and things, it came in the form of  the most extraordinary human being I’ve ever met–I inherited my brother from my father’s second marriage– a most awesome man!

If you met this man, you would just be so inspired to be greater than you are now.  He is such a living inspiration of how a fully actualized human being lives life.

He is creative, sensitive, artistic, intuitive, empathic, strong, sweet, disciplined, free, calm, patient, understanding, engaging, lovable …I could go on!

He is just pure love.  There are some who say the words “love and light” all the time and they are just words–Gregory IS love and light all the time!

I swear, this man is such a gift–not just to me but to everyone who knows him.    He is the sweetest, most tender man I’ve ever met.  He is fearless, eager, and calm–all at the same time.  He takes on things and walks through the fear of not knowing how to do them and just does them.

Not only is he a successful Chiropractor, he is an accomplished guitar player and singer in his band, “Auspicious Package”, he is a talented tattoo artist, and he is a Bringer of Light through the energy work he performs on  clients in his Castro Valley “BodyMind Connection” office in the Oakland area.

We have lived our lives separately yet now it seems as though we have been traveling down parallel paths looking at each other the whole time–getting clues from each other as to what we’ll do next.

After finding me through Facebook, he read some of my blog entries and saw someone who thinks the way he does. We talked on the phone and realized that our lives, even though they were separated by 3,000 miles and no contact, were so similar in so many ways that it is just plain hard to ignore!  It’s almost as if there is this phenomenon of quantum entanglement in action–as if we are soul twins of some sort–twin stars!

 We discover more than the time before–that process of discovering is exhilarating to say the least.

No amount of money or  material anything can compare to the joy and beauty he brings to my life.

When you are  in the midst of extraordinary, there is nothing bigger or better or more fulfilling than just BEING in that presence.

Yes, I am wealthy and abundant beyond belief from that inheritance.  My world has opened up in ways I can’t even see from here.

Not only did I inherit him, I inherited his wife and his friends and his world!  His wife, Patty, is as equally awesome in so many ways.

She’s confident and secure and always looking to expand and grow and become more.  She is warm and generous and considerate.  I can’t wait to get to know her even more–she is easy to be with!  

I always say, “it takes one to know one”–it’s no wonder they’re a couple, they are the perfect match to each other.  

She encourages growth for everyone around her–it’s as if she sees the light in others and draws it out–that’s what she’s done with Gregory.  He is one amazing human being and she has been part of his growth for the last 27 years.

Yes indeed, if I were given the choice between a huge sum of money and having this relationship, without a doubt I would choose these beautiful beings–an inheritance of the greatest value!

As much as I’ve tried to describe it, it is truly ineffable–too great or extreme to be expressed or described in words!

I have a real live person, an amazing person who I have some cosmic connection to.  My entire family will be able to experience his light and love!

 The love  I feel doesn’t seem to fit into a category. It’s a love that goes beyond  labels–it  is more vast than any love I’ve known.

You may be thinking, what has this woman been smoking?  I know I’m scaring you a bit–that’s okay.

Just hear me out fully–this has been one of the most awe-inspiring experiences of my life.  Yes, I am wealthy and abundant beyond belief from that inheritance. Here is what I am trying to express…

I believe by staying joyful, finding happiness in the simple things, appreciating your surroundings,  your life will become more and brighter than it has been.  Something amazing can’t help  but show up when you spend most of your time in the bliss and wonder of life.  I’d been hanging out there quite a bit and it paid off big time!  It will look different for everyone–start looking for what soothes you and brings you joy and something awesome will arrive–just for you!

Namaste’–I honor the place in you where the entire Universe dwells, the place where there is truth, love, peace, health, and abundance.  When you are in that place in you and I am in that place in me, we are one!

Love Your Body

After several years of not giving massages, I am now back in the business of massage therapy.  The overwhelming feeling I get when I meet someone who truly knows how to RECEIVE can only be described as blissful.

I know how it feels to receive massage.   I know how wonderful it is to be touched and to feel the muscle soreness being coaxed away.  There is, ultimately, the feeling of self love.  I see it when my clients roll onto their backs.  Their faces are aglow with love and, truly, it is love for themselves.  I guess I am just so impressed that they are there on the table treating their bodies for the sake of enjoyment.

I’ve been in the health & fitness industry over 35 years and I’ve seen a lot.  Sometimes it may look like someone is taking care of themselves by exercising and eating right, but in reality they are beating themselves up.  They aren’t out taking the walk or the bike ride because they enjoy it and it revives them, they are doing it because they ate too many cookies and feel guilt.

What I want to say in this forum is…Love Your Body–enjoy your body and use it every way you can.  Treat yourself to a massage and treat yourself to a walk because you enjoy it not because you feel you “have to.”   Anything you “have” to do is sucking the life out of you.

One of the women I massaged was moaning with pleasure with almost every stroke of my hand.  She wasn’t afraid to express how great it felt and I certainly didn’t judge her for being so vocal—I am impressed because she knows how to RECEIVE and enjoy it!  What a joy it was to witness such pleasure.

The people who care for their bodies and their spirits will be rewarded with a life that flows with ease.  People who feel they  “don’t deserve”,  “have to”, or “can’t afford” will be riding the wave that the masses ride.  Don’t let anyone affect your feeling of worthiness…if they tell you the economy is sinking, that doesn’t mean your economy needs to sink.  Don’t even let the voice inside your head tell you your body doesn’t deserve.  Spend more time talking to yourself instead of listening to that voice.

Think about it…your body has gotten you through everything in your life thus far.  It serves you like nothing else in your life serves you.  It gets you through it all!  Take care of you in whatever way you can.  Choose to feel good because you deserve it.  There isn’t one person reading this that doesn’t deserve–not one!  Take the time to love yourself and you too will reap the rewards of bliss.