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18 And I Like It!

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A strange phenomenon has been happening for me–slowly, the more I am focusing on me with no male distractions, the more I seem to be reverting to my 18th year.

This feeling comes in glimpses and memories pop in sporadically…

The more time I spend ON MY OWN, the more I take on the me that I was as a  young lady at the age of 18. It’s true, most of the time when I look in the mirror, I see the me of this year but every now and then I see the me of yesteryear!  It’s more about how I feel pretty regularly these days. I feel like that girl–even if I no longer look like her on the outside, I look like her on the inside and I am enjoying her.

How we feel is everything, it supersedes our sight.

I just heard a classic rock song that had helped me crawl out of a lopsided relationship when I was 18. I had been playing around with my first love since the age of 15. The falling in love was full of thrill and wonder but in time the relationship became sex only. We were young, this was a new physical thrill and we couldn’t seem to get enough of the sexual aspect of things.

The other aspects of a healthy relationship fell away.  I was stood up over and over and over again.  Lies, cheating,  and pretty much everything a relationship is not, I was in it. It happened over and over and over and over again!  For 3 to 4 years, this is how I lived my life and I just kept letting it happen!

Everytime I’d rehearse all the things I would say to him when he showed up at my door for the nighttime thrills, the words would disappear as soon as I’d see his face. I just wanted more of that feeling of connection and heat and love. That is no way to live though and it was hijacking all my thoughts most of the time. And, oh God, in those days there was no voicemail or answering machines–I spent so much time waiting by the phone! I tell you, it was bad and I had it bad!

Thank God for the song, “Your Time Is Gonna Come” by Led Zeppelin (his favorite band).

I hadn’t heard it before this day and if I did, I really didn’t hear it. We were driving along listening to this song and it gave me this immediate AHA Epiphany!   “Lyin, cheatin, hurtin, that’s all you seem to do. Messin around every guy in town, puttin me down for thinkin I’m someone new–always the same playin your games, drive me in-sane, trouble’s gonna come to you. One of these days and it won’t be long, you’ll look for me but baby, I’ll be gone…”.

In an instant, I was free!

I no longer had the need to stay in a relationship that was so part-time and neglectful.  This was such a big deal for me, someone who had never experienced an intimate physical love before and was clearly addicted to the love–then to finally be done with it.

The ill-fated relationship was finished for me, in an instant, and I felt true freedom at its best!

In time, I got back to being me, loving me–the authentic me and valuing my worth.

Music is powerful, memories are powerful, life is a continuous reflection and if we take the time to enjoy the reflecting we just may be able to tap into FEELING fabulous and it doesn’t matter what age you’re at now. We don’t have to stay stuck where we’ve landed, we can go anywhere we choose with our fabulous feelings!IMG_0943

And gosh, if you stay in those feelings for long, the way you’re vibrating starts to pull people who are vibrating in the same way into your life.  Yesterday, I went to help a friend walk the streets of Korea Town in Los Angeles putting up signs for his lost Chihuahua.  As I walked from my car to his house, a young man on a bike greeted me asking how my day was.  I told him what I was up to.  Since my friend was sick and needed to rest I was going to go hang signs and talk to people in the park.  Anyway, this young man decided to join me–which was great because I didn’t know where I was going.

Guess how old he was?  He was 18 and guess what he was interested in?

As a young man of 18, they’ve got one thing on their mind–even toward me a woman who is visibly MUCH older than him.  He wasn’t really seeing me though, he was feeling my vibration–clear, open, and alive!

Yes indeed, I’ve gone back to the me I was before and after all the distractions. It’s as if I’m stripping away this old paint that was stuck in me–you know the paint that keeps getting painted over in apartment buildings after one tenant leaves and the next one arrives.  I’m just more of the authentic ME before I found a way to pour love onto another.

By being true to the beauty that lies deep inside you–the beauty that was there before you allowed anything to mess it up and make it sticky, you can experience more of yourselves and  wake up and feel the freedom of knowing your worth.  You are worthy of all the love YOU can give yourself, then the love you deserve from another can arrive with the same perfect purity!

Please don’t misunderstand, I’m not suggesting that the love of my life is the 18-year-old guy interested in sex.  I am merely suggesting that because my energy has been cleared of all the gobbly gook of being in relationships and I am solely focused on being the best me I can be, the essence of me is emerging.  People aren’t necessarily seeing me, they are feeling me.  THAT is what life should be all about.  When we can feel one another instead of being misguided by the physical form, now we’re onto something!  How we feel is everything, it supersedes our sight!

California–Letting The Dream Go

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I remember my second visit to California, I was 18 years old and loving this place!  Near the end of my trip, I read some graffiti on a freeway overpass, “Tourists GO HOME”! 

I remember feeling really bad when I read it, almost like I had been personally attacked.

I couldn’t understand how someone would want me to go home.  I thought to myself, “gosh if I lived here, I would want to meet all the people that came from all over the world to visit”.  That’s just how I am, I love finding out about people.MeetupPhoto

I’m still the same way all these years later, if I meet somebody new I want to know all about them.  I’ve lived in this state for 21 years now and I feel as if I was born here.  I wasn’t born here, but I did live here when I was a baby and I feel as if California is in my bones.  I love this place, it is so magnificent!

Where else can you go to the beach then take a 2 to 5 hour drive and be in the mountains with snow?  Everywhere I go here, I feel at home.

California!  I’ve been up and down the coast and everywhere I go is total bliss.  It really is no wonder that people want to visit here, let alone move here.  If you knew what we had to endure in Michigan, you would have a heart and be okay with us being here.  While it is true, there are lots of people and cars, how can you blame them all?  This a a gorgeous place!

I remember one of the women at the gym complaining about all the cars flooding from the valley to go to the beach.  She said, “vals, go home, we don’t want you here”. 

It’s funny, I thought to myself, she moved here from Ontario Canada–who is she to talk?  Vals are the people who live in the San Fernando Valley.  It is a good 15-25 degrees hotter than on the beach.  Gosh, they deserve to enjoy the beach.  I can see it from both sides, though.  When I spend most of my time up and down the coast because I work in Malibu and live in Brentwood, there can be a huge amount of traffic in the summer months because of everyone flooding to the beach.  It’s all good though, we’re just enjoying where we get to live and play!taraonpaseo

I enjoy where I live and play every day.  Today, as I drove the stretch of PCH that takes me to my long time place of work, The Malibu Gym, I marveled at the beauty of Point Dume’ in the distance.

Honestly, I don’t think there has been one day in the 21 years I’ve been driving that coast that I haven’t been in awe of the sight of it when I see it. IMG_0785

I do wonder, how is it possible to love a place so much?

The month of June, 2013 marks 22 years of living in California.  From the age of 10, I spent 20 years dreaming of living in California.

Some might say it became everything I focused upon.

The DJ in the college cafeteria only had to see me and know that it was time to play my song, “California Dreamin”.  Class after class of teaching, I always ended in the relaxed visualizing mode and saw myself here, happy and vibrant!  Then, after years of postponing my move either because of school or a job or a boyfriend,  I made it happen.  I had dreamed and visualized and listened and dreamed some more and then I moved to California.

I had no car, no job, no place to live–I just had to be here once and for all.

So many dreams came true for me.  I lived on a private horse ranch and attended horse clinics to learn how to be confident in riding and dealing with horses–my childhood dream come true!

Today, I am surrounded by health food stores, healthy restaurants,  nature abounding everywhere I turn, near perfect weather, people I adore and so much more!

I love the life I’ve created.  I ride my bike, I hike the trails, practice yoga at my choice of a plethora of studios.  I live in a neighborhood that simply must be one of the prettiest in the country.  fuscia flowersAbundance surrounds me in every direction I turn.  I am worthy of it all because I brought it to life with my visions and my strong desire.

Now, after 22 years of fully embracing and loving this place, I had the thought of letting it go.

Let it go and move onto something different.  I am open to that.  Montana seems to be pulsing in my radar these days.  Colorado is another place calling to me although the thought of the Winter months don’t really appeal to me.   Hawaii could work for me.  Wyoming is a mystery to me still. Or, I could stay here and just keep living it in the blissful fashion I’ve carved out for myself.

The feeling I had, though, when I let go of the need to be here and the need to stay here was so freeing.  pacific palisades hike

By letting go, we simply surrender to either something better or keeping that which we have.  It was obvious I had been clinging to being here.  I could feel such a total sense of freedom when I just let go.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring? “I am open to everything and attached to nothing”.  That sounds like a good plan.  I heard Dr. Wayne Dyer say it many years ago and until you experience it in one area of life, you won’t really know how good it feels.

I am feeling this way in several areas of life and it feels like a dream–as  good as the California dream I had all those years ago!purple passion point dume

Lessons In Time

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My mom will be 83 years old this year.  Anyone who knows my mom, knows she is one strong woman–she had to be!  As a single parent with 4 kids, she had to be strong and responsible.  It seems she never missed a beat.

It’s no surprise that us Jeter women are all very strong, assertive, and independent, we learned from the best!  Lately though, I’ve found myself wanting to be a bit less assertive–somewhat more yielding and accepting.

Women’s liberation was big when I was growing up.  I remember the Helen Reddy song,  “I am strong, I am invincible, I am woman!”  It seems like most of the women in my life have that strength.  Women tend to be very strong by nature–able to endure so much life experience.IMG_2369

What is my point?  Well, wouldn’t it be nice if we could just lighten up a bit.  Wouldn’t it feel good to let go and just let things happen without always being in control, being right and being responsible?  This goes for all you new moms out there too, sometimes it’s okay to let your man do the chores–even if he doesn’t do it quite the way you’re accustomed to (the right way),  just let go!  Sometimes it’s okay to let someone else do it the way they do it–not the way YOU do it!

I find myself withdrawing from the relationships in my life where women are trying to control everything. If it’s not done the way they want it done, then it doesn’t seem like a pleasant experience.  Sometimes I just want to just BE, it’s not fun to be controlled–by myself or anyone else.Image

This is what brings my attention to this topic.  Perhaps I’ve been too controlling.  Perhaps I’ve been wanting to always be right.  Perhaps I am always looking for it to be a certain way. All the lessons we learn out here are about ourselves but they’re through the others in our midst.  We are reflections of one another.

After all these years of living life, my mom is starting to let go.  As the years have gone on, I’ve noticed bit by bit a sense of letting go and just letting it be okay.  She stopped clinging to ideals or things or certain ways that it had to look a long time ago.  Most people who know my mom know her as a calm and beautiful presence.

My mom is who I want to be now.  Easy, calm, accepting, considerate, empathetic, and as a brilliant poet once wrote about her, “full of grace, when others would act a fool”.

Let it be known, I am letting it go and letting it flow.  Yes, there will be times that I forget and feel the intensity of my old ways trying to grip me and snap back in to control a situation.  I will simply notice, be aware, then let it go.  Go with the flow is feeling like a nice way to be.