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Their View Mirror

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I have noticed something that I just keep getting clearer and clearer about it.  Every time I get down or go into a depression, it is almost always because I am viewing my life from someone else’s view of me.

To say it another way, I love my little life.  I live in a funky environment that is rare and doesn’t necessarily FIT into what society views as normal.  I absolutely devour my nights at home and LOVE my living situation.

Yet, there are times that I find myself depressed.  Lately I’ve been able to pinpoint why–it’s because I’m viewing my life from THEIR view of me.TARAreflecting

People say things to me that are so inappropriate and with such pity aimed at me.   Please don’t pity me just because I’m not living the life that you would live!  I am me and you are you–please consider that when you judge!

When I view my life from within, I am blissful and happy.

When I look through THEIR eyes, I become that poor pitiful person they see me as.

Really, I ask you, why does it have to look a certain way?  Why do our lives have to conform to everybody else’s way of living or society’s view of what a successful existence is?  It doesn’t, and the clearer I get about this, the more I thrive in my own reality.

“The older you get, the more you understand how your conscience works.  The biggest and only critic lives in your perception of people’s perception of you rather than people’s perception of you.”
― Criss Jami

Brilliant!

So, when it all comes down to it, I AM in charge of my thoughts and feelings.  When I feel what people are perceiving my life to be, I don’t have to allow those perceptions to permeate my being.

Our lives are our own and when we embrace them with a sense of wholeness, we thrive.

As Emerson said, “Envy is ignorance and imitation is suicide.”  God I love that.

So, this I say to myself and to you if you care to receive it:   our lives are our own and we get to decide what we value and what feels good–nobody else.  I suppose it is easier said than done but with some introspection and breath work within, we can come to the place where it really is okay REGARDLESS of what THEY think!BrightLightLantern

Vibrating Vicariously

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“Oh, my sister isn’t wealthy–she just lives vicariously through the wealthy people around her.”  Those were the words my sister used to describe me and my life.  When she recited them to me, I must admit I was a bit halted both in thought and words!  I wasn’t sure if I should be offended or not–I decided to let it go.

Yes, I have been spending time in multi million dollar lifestyles for over 20 years now. 

Upon moving away from my humble beginnings in Detroit, I magically wound up in Malibu.  I started training, massaging, and house-sitting for all kinds of people in Malibu–celebrities, moms, dads, producers, attorneys, musicians, actors, etc.  Not all of their lifestyles were multi million dollar, but they seemed to have way more than I  ever imagined myself having.

Today, as I led a group of hikers along the stretch of Westward beach that is lined with magnificent homes, I described one of the settings of a weekly massage client I had for about a year.

She lived with that beach as her back yard.  The balcony where I massaged her was so glorious.  You couldn’t see the sand or the parking lot below, you could only see the blue sky and ocean.  All you could smell was the ocean breeze–it was so breathtaking and breathgiving–all at once.

People always ask me, “aren’t you envious and resentful when you’re in their space?”

Honestly, no–I almost felt as if I were part owner of the space.  Heck, I got to be there every week and enjoy the space.  Yes, there were times I wished I could spend more time–just chillin and relaxing, but for the most part, I was in bliss.

The first place I lived in Malibu was on a private horse ranch.

The owners weren’t millionaires, but they had a property worth millions with 7 horses that made my childhood dreams come true.  The experiences I was able to live out there on that ranch were nothing short of miraculous.

My landlord saw the thrill and desire I had to learn how to ride so she graciously took me to horse clinics and trainings–one of them with the incomparable Ray Hunt!  I created a bond between one of the horses that was so warm and wonderful, words cannot describe the love I felt for that horse.  The most thrilling feeling was the love the horse felt for me–that was a warm and palpable force!

Yes, I have trained and massaged some of the biggest names in Hollywood.

Two of my neighbors are A-list actors who can play any role they want because they are who they are.  I am surrounded by abundance and wealth everywhere I go.  I take care of homes that are so magnificent and others that are humble in comparison.

Am I living vicariously through them?  I’m not sure.

What I am noticing, though, is that the more time I spend lingering around this lifestyle, the more it becomes reachable, believable, possible.

I am vibrating vicariously!  Why not right?  I am in it and around it.   By being in it, it becomes more a part of my vibration which helps me to maintain that vibration, which then must manifest in my life.

I have a friend who grew up in a very wealthy family.  She will always vibrate with the abundant energy she has, that’s just what she knows.  She knows nothing of lack or not enough and, fortunately, she will never know that because she has been trained to EXPECT wealth to be hers endlessly.

 

No, I boldly say to you, I have no doubt that this is all training for me.  I have been training my vibration for all these years and it simply must mean I am getting closer to the vibration of full and effortless abundance.  As I know, everything is energy.

We are all vibrating a frequency out into our environment.

The more time I spend with this wealth and abundance surrounding me, the more I will vibrate that signal and I won’t be able to help but match it!
When we raise our vibrations, we raise our ability to connect with the universe…

 

 

In case you haven’t noticed by now, I am a believer in vibration and the law of attraction.  

I take my time and enjoy my life, I’m not a huge go-getter but when I’m inspired to go for something, I go for it  because I’m listening to my inner guidance–that powerful place of presence.

 I’m not in a hurry and being in a hurry is why most people will never experience their greatest desires because they’ve got far too much resistance built up.

This is an amazing clip from an Abraham Workshop–describes vibration well.

Facebook Friends

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The other evening, I noticed I was starting to have withdrawal pains for my facebook friends in the cyber world.  I had been going all day with no time for the computer and I felt the tug.

It was a strange feeling, but it was really clear, I really appreciate the relationships I connect to even when I don’t see them in person and don’t leave my home. 

Seems like an odd concept to most of us and a fairly new feeling for me.

I know there are still people who don’t connect this way and, usually, they think people like us are whack jobs!  My ex-husband was one of those.  He couldn’t believe how many people would be plugged in front of their computers all night.

Now, after 6 years of being apart, when I hear him say that, I try to help him have some compassion. 

I’m living in that world now, where I have no significant other to talk to and socialize with.  He has a girlfriend he lives with and I have some dogs I can hang out with, but no one in person to talk to!  It’s just great to have connections “out there”.

I’m not unhappy or lonely, but it does help to have my facebook friends.

Just because we are connecting over the computer does not make us pathetic and lonely, it enhances the life we’re living.

That’s what I think anyway.  I am so thankful for my facebook friends.  Having you there has helped me through some tough times and having you there has  made for some really great memories.

I know that many think all the technology has made us zombies, the texting and the twitter and the list goes on with the ways we can connect.  It is different than when I grew up, but gosh, I’m really grateful.

I have connected to friends that I thought I’d never see or talk to again.  No, we’re not all close but there is a connection.  Connection is one of my highest values in life.  If I’m not on line connecting, I’m out in the world connecting.  One doesn’t replace the other, but one absolutely enhances the other.  Thank you for being on my “connection radar!”

The Life You Envisioned?

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Is your life everything you envisioned it to be?  This is a question someone asked me the other day.  My guess is he was looking at my life and wondering how I could possibly be happy.

I admit, I am a woman and I do think too much, but I was left feeling a little defensive and it made me really look at my life and wonder.

The answer was quite clear today as I rode my bike along the 25  mile stretch of bike path from Pacific Palisades to Palos Verdes.

I am living something I envisioned for many years.  Since the age of 10, I have wanted to live in Southern California.  I grew up in Michigan and did not entirely enjoy the weather or the lifestyle.

I never seemed to fit in.

The winter weather was harsh and the summers were way too short.  I spent most of my adult years hanging out in fruit markets or the couple of health food stores that existed then.   In the summertime, I tried to ride my bike as much as possible.  I rode to work and on my days off I rode along Edward Hines Drive…a long, lovely stretch of highway with parks all along.

The fact is, I love to play, move my body and be outside.  I have envisioned the life I’m living for many years and I AM living it now!

In college (while still in Michigan), there was a cafeteria that pumped music inside.  Everyday, I stopped into the DJ and requested my one and only song.

All he had to do is see my face to know it was time to play, “California Dreamin”.  I was 18 years old and the dream was strong.

Colleges and Universities kept me in Michigan.  If I wasn’t in college, it was a job or a boyfriend that seemed to tie me to that state.  I started to wonder if I would ever make it out of Michigan?

I taught Aerobic Fitness classes and at the end of every class I played some relaxation music and had my students (and myself) lie on their backs and visualize a place they wanted to be.

I had a couple of favorite songs I used for this segment of class but the best was “Summer” by War.  Interestingly, years later I identified one of the lyrics that I had never really heard clearly before… “from Atlantic City to out in Malibu or anywhere between I’m telling you when you feel those balmy breezes on your face, Summertime is the best time anyplace”. 

I had heard the part about the balmy breezes, but  Malibu didn’t come clear to me until many years later.

When my husband and I sold everything we owned and drove someone’s car out (the day after we received our Masters Degree), the first place we lived was Malibu!

The lyrics in the song brought me to Malibu…what are the chances of that?  We moved without having a car, a job, or a place to live.  We wound up in a most magical place that is still home to me.

We carved out a life for ourselves that went right along with what we envisioned.  We were active, working out in the gym and enjoying the nature abounding all around us…hiking, mountain biking, and horseback riding.

We lived in Malibu  on a private horse ranch.

One of my biggest dreams as a girl was to learn to ride and spend loads of time with horses. That happened for me as well. 

My landlord took me to riding clinics and taught me everything I could want to know about horses.  I bonded with a special horse and felt an intense amount of love and sensitivity.

Another long time dream–I met one of my bodybuilding heroes at the gym I work at.  For years, while still living in Michigan, I devoured every magazine article I could find about her–I adored her.  Then, one day, she was being introduced to me at The Malibu Gym–my workplace!

Today, I looked to my right and the waves were crashing, then I looked to my left and was awestruck by the snow capped mountains in the distance.

In my visualizations at the end of those aerobic classes,  I always saw myself living in a place with the ocean on one side and the mountains on the other.  I was vibrant and healthy and happy.

A good many years have passed–things have changed and my former husband and I have gone in different directions.  For the last 6 years, I live on my own–sort of.  This is probably why the question was asked from the man who asked.

Ron is a visitor of Will who lives in the guesthouse on the property that I have my office.  I live in the main house with a woman.  I have my own bedroom/bathroom and entrance.

My office, however, is out beyond the pool across from Will’s guesthouse.  Will’s visitor sees me “wandering about” as he calls it (he’s Australian).  My office beyond the pool is a 1 room building lodged up against the mountainside.  There isn’t a bathroom so I need to walk up the stairs to the main house if I need to use the bathroom.

I guess, to the onlooker, this doesn’t look all that glamorous and one would think that a woman my age would be established and living alone in a place where there were bathrooms to use without hiking all over the property.

I can only surmise that his interpretation of my life is that I am not happy with where things are.

Oh, I’m sure I could have more and be more and thrive more, but I embrace where I am. Almost all I envisioned came true for me.

In my eyes I have everything I need and there’s always something we could complain about.  And yes, I am envisioning new desires…I certainly haven’t stopped envisioning my life.

There are new orders I have placed with the Universe and until they arrive, I will be happy with my life NOW.

But, to answer the question, “is your life everything you envisioned it to be”?  Yes, indeed it is.  It is richer and warmer and more wonderful than I envisioned it.  So many dreams have come true…
My life is everything I envisioned and more.  Experiences, relationships, and places are the wonder all around me.

I live in bliss on a daily basis. 

From your perspective or Ron’s perspective it may not look that great, but this is my life,  I am happy,  I am fulfilled and I am so glad I know that this is the life I have envisioned and the life I AM envisioning is coming into existence as I write!!!