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Feeling Freedom

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I’m having a hard time finding words for all of the feeling–I caught a glimpse of it this last week.  

I felt safe and secure, deeply safe and secure, yet all the indicators in the physical world would not convince you of my security.IMG_0146

I live week to week.    I have no savings account and I am deeper in debt than I care to convey.

Now, knowing that, you’d think I walk around in fear and doubt and worry all the time.  You’d think I cut up my credit cards and cut myself off from everything I want.

Wrong!

I enjoy life and try to live with total ease and joy–regardless of my financial situation.  Life is more than money–life is energy!

More important than the status of my financial books is the FEELING of freedom.  Freedom comes from feeling not from having.  

The soul wants to experience life it isn’t interested in accomplishments!

Yes, while there are times I yearn for a “real” job that pulls in “real” money, for the most part I am happy to be living this life I’m living.  I enjoy freedom and yes, even multiple streams of income.  Just when I think there is no more money to pay the bills, I get another check from an unexpected job and it always seems to arrive at the opportune time.

At the depth of this feeling, is pure knowing that everything will always be okay.  It always is.  Everything always works out for me.IMG_0492

 

As Donya Ture’ writes in her book, Free Falling Into Your Higher Self, “The logic behind your free fall into a new belief system is because you realize that there is no wordily explanation for life and therefore the impossible, the mystical or even the magical must actually be possible.”

Now, I’m clear that some will say I’m just an idiot and that I should be planning for my retirement and I should be planning to get out of debt and I should be planning to be wealthy.   Planning, planning, planning!

I say, “screw your plans.”  Life is truly about living  NOW.  Having said that,  it is true, I am simply soothing myself and the situation I am in rather than focusing on what’s wrong with it.  I have nothing against planning for the future.  I am happy though.

All of the warnings I receive feels like a fear based way of being.  I don’t want to feed the fear.

I want to bask in the feelings of enoughness, fullness, all that is– wellness!

So, that’s what I will do.  It will be challenging because of the world I live in.  Every way I turn, there will be more INFORMATION to remind me how irresponsible I’m being.  My work, no, my JOY will be to transcend those thought forms, those limiting beliefs and just BE.  I AM WAKING UP from the reality that I have created in the past.  Glimpses of awakening are soooooooo sweet!

Life is so full.  It’s full of a vastness that, once experienced, is irresistible and intoxicating.  I want to spend more time there!IMG_1167

The sweetest twist of all of this are the experiences that show up.  The more I anchor myself in this knowing, the more opportunities arise–they already have!  This is a vibrational Universe, when you raise your vibration by looking for beauty, finding ways to appreciate and have gratitude for the wonders around you, those feelings will draw similar experiences to you.  And who knows, maybe in the form of money!  Money IS energy and it’s always circulating in my midst.

No, I don’t chase money any longer.  Instead I chase the present moment where everything thrives if we will allow it.

 

Money is NOT the source of happiness.  Freedom does not come from having money, BUT having money may just come from feeling FREEDOM!

GodCare

 

I BELIEVE.  I TRUST.  I LET GO. 

 

 

20 Years of Epic!

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BirdsCloudsThis month marks my 20th year of mountain biking!  I’ll never forget the first time I rode up Palisades Drive on my mountain bike–my former husband was way ahead of me and all I could do in my mind was beat myself up!

“Sure, he’s way ahead of me, his father was a 9 Letterman in high school so he’s got the genes.  My father was a bowler!”  Not that there’s anything wrong with bowlers, it’s just that the sport doesn’t lend itself to huffing and puffing up a hill.

My lungs and my legs were burning–I was sweating profusely and my head felt like it was about to explode!

I did find out that Sean’s legs and lungs were burning too.   He felt pain and humiliation similar to me–his body was not functioning with ease.  It was hard!happy tara on voodoo

The good news is that today I rode up the same hill, instead of beating myself up, I was actually enjoying the ride.  My legs and lungs weren’t burning–it wasn’t easy but it was more of a pleasant ride up the hill, certainly not as bad as that first day 20 years ago!

Everything is a process.  I’ve learned how to just go with the flow and be in the middle of whatever fire may be burning.  I’ve ridden up that hill hundreds of times now and that alone takes the anxiety away.  Anything you do as a beginner, for the first time, can produce anxiety and just feel hugely hard to endure.

I caught the attention of another biker when I rode around the pole that separates  the dirt trail from the road,  “Wow, I saw you maneuver around that pole and I was very impressed,”  he said.  “I’ve been riding for a year now and I’m afraid my pedals will get all caught up and I’ll fall.”

“Ah yes, that pole,” I assured him,   “I was afraid of that pole for a very long time before I actually attempted to make my way around it.  I would get off my bike and walk the bike through and just notice how much room there was as I walked through.  Then, one day I had the guts to give it a try!”

I then shared that this month marks my 20th year riding.  “Wow, 20 years, can you give me any tips?”

I wanted to share more than a couple of tips but I also wanted to get on with my ride–two pieces of advice that worked for me–“keep your eyes on where you are wanting to go, not on the ruts because your bike will tend to follow your eyes.”  That tip works for life too!

The other tip is what one of my fellow racers told me after a race when I asked,  “how do you stay on the bike, I keep crashing?”  She said, “It’s just Time In The Saddle–you just gotta go through it, to get to it.”

I remember, at the time, I didn’t like hearing it.  I wanted to just be great now, be proficient now,  and not have to deal with the growing pains.  Now, 20 years later, I get it.  TIME IN THE SADDLE!

I continued on with my epic ride–after not being on the bike for about a month– I went a bit slower than I would normally pedal up the hills, but I was out there in the middle of all the wonder and the glory!IMG_0144a

I chose a loop that isn’t just up to the top then down, it was up then down and up and down and up some more.  Then the final descent was fast and technical and since it was a Saturday, there were lots of hikers out there, it took even more skill in handling the bike down those hills since my path was narrowed even more by the hikers!

EagleRock

People have always been supportive as I ride by them UP a hill–they say things like, “wow, you’re strong,”  and their mouths drop open in awe as I fly by them DOWN the hill and there is no time to speak.

Talk about EMPOWERING!  No, I don’t ride to get their approval or their admiration, but it is kind of nice to receive.

Yes, mountain biking is one of the hardest activities I’ve ever tackled.  I remember the first time we saw someone riding up a fire road on a mountain bike, we thought, “this guy is crazy.”  Not long after that, we became crazy!

It is fun reflecting, it is fun feeling a difference from the very first time up that hill.  It is so empowering being out in the day, flying through the air with a skill that took time to develop.

If there’s something you want to take on, go for it.  You’ll be able to look back one day and remember what it took to get to where you are and you’ll feel pride, you’ll feel freedom.  We are a force of energy, we might as well use it to bring us thrill, pleasure, and joy.  Namaste’

mountain me 026

 

 

Pathetic Paparazzi!!!

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I experienced my first run in with the paparazzi–it was such a mixture of bad emotions!PPAPPARAZA

About a month ago, I experienced it from a close distance and felt this severe sense of intrusion.  I was jolted.

I was having lunch with a friend in a Brentwood restaurant when all of a sudden, 5 men with huge camera lenses were running into position outside the entrance clicking away.  It was loud and a huge disruption, it felt really bad to me.  It almost felt like they had big guns.paparazzi

I started thinking how awful it must be to not be able to go into a store and walk back to your car without some intruder in your face!

Today, while leading a hike for a drug & alcohol treatment center, I encountered direct experience with the paparazzi.IMG_0785

One of the clients there is a  major celebrity who has had so many run ins with paparazzi throughout her career  As we walked down onto a neighborhood street in Malibu to get to another trail entrance up about a block, we noticed a car that kept driving by and turning around.

The celebrity client immediately became stressed and anxious–she did not want to be photographed.  I could feel her energy and started feeling the same way!  This is when being empathic does not feel good!   It troubled me deeply.Papparazz

I went into protection mode–it’s just my default reaction to a threat, I don’t get weak and become submissive, I get strong and become assertive and protective.  In light of that, I remained quite calm.

I blocked her as we walked by him so that he couldn’t look at her directly.  He acted as if he was going to the beach with his beach towel, but we saw the huge camera  on the passenger seat.

The myriad of emotions that I felt was intense.   Here is a person who is working on being better and she can’t even go and just BE without some creep up in her business!   To think that activity is allowed and legal is just plain wrong!

Some of the other male residents were combative toward him while I just maintained this wall of strength.

As we walked up the trail entrance,  there was some verbal exchange between the camera ass and the celebrity, “awe, come on,  you owe me one, we’re friends”.  She replied, “I don’t owe you anything!”

While one of the other residents was wanting to fight with the guy, the camera ass said, “Yeah, we can take care of that when you get to the parking lot, I’ll meet you up there –I know where you’re going to end up.”

Well, what he didn’t know is that I know alternative ways out of that trail system!IMG_0795

We played a little trick on them and avoided any further interaction.  I sent the drivers of the trucks in the direction they were expecting, then I took the group to a section of the trail that is mounded in the corner that happens to be next to a street.  I found the trucks and waved them back to my  hiding spot.

It was so great to see them after I successfully got the clients shusshed away and on the road.  They were so perplexed–they just couldn’t figure out where we were. Hah!

Anyway…

Some people I’ve shared this topic with say, “well those celebrities signed up for it, they’re gonna have to live with it”.

 They didn’t sign up for that kind of intrusion! 

They signed up for the red carpet flashes and thrills but not to have annoying people follow them around  in their personal lives with a camera!

I am very empathic and I felt this deep deep pain that I’ve never felt before.  For the most part, their lives look luxurious and glamorous but, ultimately, they are prisoners in their own home.

I have no ties or connection to any celebrities so this isn’t a biased opinion, this is a pure “feeling” experience.  Going through that did not feel good, it was bizarre and unsettling.

How can we make this totally unacceptable and illegal?

Just this week, I heard about Jennifer Garner and Halle Berry’s support for the Senate bill 606 to make it illegal for paparazzi to take photos of children of hollywood stars.

http://www.newsmax.com/thewire/halle-berry-jennifer-garner-paparazzi-kids/2013/08/15/id/520527

I believe all paparazzi (un-invited photographers) should be illegal.