I remember being out one night (by myself) shortly after my separation from my husband. I was at a wine tasting bar and met a guy there. He was alone as well. He said that since his separation he was commited to not dating until 2 years passed.
To me, that sounded like an eternity to not be with someone!
I spent the first couple of years playing around with guys that just wanted to have fun without having a monogomous relationship. That was all I wanted too, but that got old.
Now, after over a year of not dating anyone but myself, two years seems like a reasonable amount of time.
I totally “get” where he was coming from.
As much as I’d like to be back in loveland, I really am enjoying being with me. And yet, to most people who hear me say that, they wonder how can I be serious?
I met a man at a social gathering who was in the midst of his third divorce and he was jumping back into the on-line dating scene.
When I told him of all the time I’ve spent alone, he said, “don’t you miss the companionship!” “Absolutely I do, but I have discovered my own companionship and that feels good too!”
Most everyone I know is in an intense “search” to find a partner. I certainly never thought I would be without a guy for this long–it has been my choice, though. I can truly say this has been one of the best times in my life and, quite frankly, the only time since I was 21 that I’ve been without a man in my life.
After all of my relationships, I always had another to jump right into so I really never grieved the loss.
I am clearly “on my own” and there is something so worthwhile about being responsible for my own happiness regardless of how much male attention I’m getting or not getting.
Some of my friends, even if they are in a commited relationship, need to get lots of attention from lots of men regardless of whether they are going to be with them or not. They need all kinds of texts messages and other forms of male attention–they crave attention from many sources. Nowadays, my phone is pretty quiet, not a lot of action!
It’s so nice to NOT NEED something from someone other than myself!
When we rely on the attention from others to determine how we’re feeling, we’re not really feeling at all.
Whenever you allow the actions of someone else define whether your day is a success or a failure, you are imprisoned until the end of time.
I have been grieving lately and even though it is sad, it is a process that is rich and life giving. There is something to be said for grieving without wanting to be with that person–it really is a clearing of energy that, once cleared, will make way for the relationship that matches who you have become.
I’m sad to say that most people I notice are spending so much time devoted into jumping into the next whirlwind of love that they don’t take any time for themselves–just to get clear again. “What do I want, what am I willing to hold out for, what am I willing to let go of?”
Many people live in the fear based feelings of, “what if this is my last chance at love, I should take this before I run out of chances.”
Oh, the man at the wine tasting event who took 2 years off from dating is now happily married to an amazing woman! He got what he held out for!
Who we are is who we will get.
I want to get an extraordinary partner and the only way to do that is to BE THAT! So…here’s to at least another year of dating Me!
14 thoughts on “Dating Myself”
You go girl! 🙂
Thanks Dani, yes indeed, I am enjoying the process!
This is so true and your point about NOT needing someone’s attention to validate your happiness is the most freeing in a break up or being with yourself. Not wondering or waiting for someones attention is very freeing. Not getting someone’s full attention when you expect it can be very disappointing and can lead to self sabotage. Enjoy your freedom! It’s a good place to be as well!
Thanks for taking the time to read this Ilise. I just shot a quick video a similar topic–editing it now. Thanks for being out there my dear!
Well said and I couldn’t agree more.
Thanks Debra, I knew you would!
Very sound wisdom, and u cannot lose with that! Again, it’s sound wisdom and ur on the right path!
love you much my smart, intelligent and beautiful friend!
i sent u a private message then thought it might be interesting to post my question here to get help and feedback. So here is my question:
But in my case what if i did what u talk about, and was pretty wholesome in spirit, was in a good place in life and was truly on top of the world and still attract a less than desirable partner/outcome?
i am rightly puzzled and am awaiting helpful comments.
It’s hard to go back and as WHY? I don’t know the reasons–only you do. You may have been in that wonderful, top of the world place, but there must’ve been a cross in your vibration. Perhaps some desperation, an intense need to find someone? I just don’t know, but you do. It’s just my guess, because you got someone who was needy–someone who wanted to be taken care of…
All I know is as I’ve become more in touch with how I’m feeling, I notice a “mix” in how I’m vibrating. Vibration is tricky, you can LOOK a certain way but, inside, it’s the FEELINGS that have credence. I don’t know if you can remember that far back, but I can assure you, the Law of Attraction is never wrong–it never fails. I love you my beautiful friend. You are one super sweet presence!
Tara, I know you are in a great place with your ‘dating” yourself experience.I couldn’t find a better partner to yourself than yourself to date…:) You are beautiful, amazing body, strong inspiring mind and love…why settle to for less?…when a compatible partner shows up in your life I know you will let him in, otherwise date yourself, I am with you 100%! Also let’s get together soon for a movie girls night with popcorn and wine! your friend Yulia.
Thank you my dear Yulia. Yes, a girls night soon sounds good, perhaps Sunday? Let’s take it one day at a time 🙂
you give great advice!
Thanks Frank, you are usually being funny–hope you are serious. Thanks for reading young man!