Fortune In Friends

Friends are fortune to me!  Growing up,  I was a loyal friend to one–Annette.  Sure, I had other friends in the neighborhood but it was almost as if they were there for me when Annette wasn’t available.  I’ve operated in that same fashion my whole life.  Almost always, when I got a boyfriend, my friends were definitely second.  My sole focus was on my primary relationship.  That’s just the way I was.

Now, after being out of a 20 year relationship almost 4 years, I’m noticing that I’ve become more free and available to more friends all at once.  When that long relationship ended, I bombarded the one nearby friend that was available.  She was really the center of all my friends.  That ended after a while because she felt the pressure and responsiblity of being my only friend!

Thank goodness she cut me off. It forced me to grow.  I have become more available to many friends now–all at once.  It took some time and I could feel the subtle signs of clinging to just one friend.  Now, though, I have many friends and they all play a role in my life.  It feels good.  We are all here for one another.  Sure, some of them find a significant other and I am set on the shelf for a time, but I understand.

This process of letting go of my loyalty to one person has been challenging and painful at times.  I guess I’ve always been attached to the presence of another person.  Now, though, I am becoming more and more “okay” on my own and really attached to my own “presence”.  As far as I can see, this is the best way to be.

Many of my friends are in the search mode of on-line dating or going out to clubs to find someone.  I haven’t been all that interested in replacing that space with some person.  Instead, I’m enjoying all the different circles of friends I’ve found and nurtured, and most importantly, I’m enjoying the friend I have in ME!

Caged Animals

I went to see the movie, “Rise of the Planet of the Apes”.  It was a really good movie and I noticed something that we are all subject to–limited access to nature.  Whenever we enclose ourselves with limitations, it creates a bit of frustration and sometimes rage!  No question about it, even though humans are not apes, we still need to run and jump and move our bodies out in nature.

There were a couple of scenes where Caesar was let off his leash in the Redwood forest.  Caesar was a baby ape raised indoors.  The shot of his face as he looked up, how his eyes brightened, was magical.  I feel similar when I’m out on my favorite trails.  We have nature all around us but most people don’t utilize it and surrender to it.  We know it’s there but we have deprived ourselves for so long that we don’t know or remember what we’re missing.

When we go too long without our fix, we become pent up and filled with anger and rage and resentment and it’s no wonder we take it out on others around us.  Whether we are in our cars venting about the other drivers, or out in public areas dealing with strangers, people have gotten downright nasty and uncivilized at times.

My prescription is to allow ourselves back out into the wild.  Nature heals all our ailments if we just trust it to work its magic.  I’m watching a lizard on my porch right now.  To each stroke of the keyboard, he is reacting with his balance and body poised and ready to run away or toward.  As the typing continues, he relaxes into the noise knowing there is no threat.  He is in tune with his perceptions and feelings without thinking, just a natural knowing.

Imagine if we could tap into that power?  We have it here in front of us and most of us pass it by.  I encourage anyone reading this to get out the door,  into the day,  and enjoy your body moving through space.  Let go, breath, and celebrate life outside our domesticated domain.

If you have dogs, you know how excited they get when you take them out for a walk.  Excited, I mean REALLY excited–and to think–they are just going on a little walk in the developed neighborhood!  It’s good to get outside, even if it is your neighborhood street.  Do something amazing for your physiology today, go take a walk.

You won’t really feel everything that is going on physiologically inside your body, but trust me, there is a myriad of reactions taking place that would blow your mind if you could wrap it around them.  You are an amazing machine and your body thrives on activity.  Use your body, revel in it and know that it is such a phenomenal piece of creation!

Diary of A Massage Therapist

I feel fortunate to have learned the skill of giving massage.  I am a nurturing,  compassionate person so being a massage therapist is in sync with those natural qualities.

I am so very impressed with people who trust enough.  When you think about it, a perfect stranger is entrusting their body to me, another perfect stranger–that’s a big deal!  I don’t take it lightly when someone trusts me to put my hands on them in a loving, non-judgmental way.

There is something so blissful about getting a massage.  When it feels good and you relax, time is non-existent and you drift into a place of peace and deep euphoria.  In the same way, there is so much beauty for me to observe someone getting a massage.  At times, lately, I feel as if I get to see God while giving massages.  God is the place in each and every one of us where we are happy, content, compassionate,  and love ourselves.  To me, God is a place where there is no stress, no rush, no worry, no inhibition.  It is a place where we just trust and allow.  We know that all is well in this moment.

Today,  I had a client return for a second massage.  The first massage was somewhat forced, his wife bought him a gift certificate and he didn’t really want to come.  At the end of the massage he said, “I knew I was stressed out, but I had no idea there was so much stress in my body”.

So today after arriving, he said that people in his life commented on his appearance the day after his massage–that he looked 10 years younger.  He felt it too.  He woke up in the middle of that night and was sweating profusely, obviously his body was letting go of all the stress that had built up.  “I honestly think you saved my life”, he said.

Comments like that make my day worth living–give me a little more impetus to keep on healing.   “You have healing hands”, “You have great energy”, “I am so relaxed”, “How do you know the right places to focus in on”?  The comments are great and keep me motivated and they all come from the place of perfection-God.

One sentiment I always incorporate into every massage is my Namaste’ greeting.  I say it quietly to myself but I see their face and their essence receiving the truth, love, and peace I wish for them.

Namaste’:  I honor the place in you where the entire Universe dwells–the place where there is truth, love, peace, health, and abundance.  When you are in that place in you and I am in that place in me, we are ONE.

I feel fortune in my awareness.  I am a massage therapist and I see God with every massage I give!

Please Forgive Me

I am at Peace.  My father is at Peace.  My father died a couple weeks ago.  I grew up without a father.  I only met him in person 4 times.  I was 10 when my mother drove us across Country from Michigan to California to visit him.  As a young girl who always wondered about her father, I was thrilled.

The next time I met him I was 16, it was his parents’ 50th Wedding Anniversary.  He invited me out to California to visit him anytime.  I thought he was so cool.  In all my years growing up though, he never wrote me, sent cards, answered the  letters I wrote to him.  The older I got, the more I made that mean something about him and something about me.  I began to form all kinds of negative feelings toward him.

The third time I met him was a few years ago.  I attended an intensive weekend event called the Landmark Forum.  The Landmark Forum helped me see that things happen to us and we have our own interpretation about what happened.

After years of no communication, I simply thought he didn’t care about any of his children.  I thought he had no conscience, I thought he was a bad person.  However, after finishing The Landmark Forum, I contacted my father and we created a new relationship.  We let go of the constraints of the past and started from nothing–it was so freeing.

I realized, with his help, that there are two sides to every story and the truth usually lies somewhere in between.  I learned a lot about my father in those few years.  I found lots of compassion for him.  Growing up he had gone to a total of 26 elementary schools.  TWENTY SIX!  His father had a job that kept relocating them.  Imagine how hard it would be to create lasting bonds with people.

He was young when he and my mother were together, he was still learning life and she and we were part of his learning.  He went on to have 3 more wives, and 2 more children in addition to the 5 he had with my mother.

In his last 22 years, he was married to Vicki.  She is an amazing woman and he raised her two kids from a very young age.  He confided in her everything about his life and she loved him deeply.  He was a great father for Linda and Michael and they loved and respected him all their lives.  Even so, he had so much regret and remorse over his past and he always shared with Vicki, the pain he carried with him.  Vicki understood him completely.

Just before he died, he was in a lot of pain the night before and kept waking Vicki and Linda.   Finally, come morning, he was calmer and he just kept telling them, “take my boots off”, “take my boots off”.  They couldn’t figure out what he meant???

After my father died in Vicki’s arms, she realized what he had been referring to.  His very first child with my mom was Jay Ann.  She died of Leukemia at the age of 3.  When he and my mom would bring her home from the hospital after getting a treatment, she would have extra energy and be full of fun and laughter.  She would go and slip her little feet into his big boots and run around.  He chased her and would say, “take my boots off”.  It was a joyful time for him…just to see her happy and full of life and energy.

My father was getting closer to that state of Pure, Positive, Energy that comes with passing.  He was happy and thrilled that he would be in that place with his first child Jay Ann.  The place is what we can all find glimpses of here, in this realm,  if we just try.  A place where there is no pain or guilt or judgment.  A place where there is only joy and vibrant energy.  A place, where if you learn to “let go” and forgive, you can be free.

My sister Valorie was able to meet him when she came out for a visit to California (she still lives in Michigan).  She is one of the most OPEN people I know and she was able to let go of the pain of years of no communication.    My brother Kevin had no bad feelings toward him, he had lived with him for a time when he was 18 and had made peace with any ill feeling he may have had.  My oldest sister was never able to speak to him again.

I feel so fortunate to be able to say that I am at Peace with his passing.  I cleared my body of all the negativity that comes along with not being able to forgive.  Forgiveness is not something we give to the other person, it’s something we give to ourselves.  Most importantly, I asked him to forgive me for all the judgments I made about him.  I came to know what compassion really is–the ability to see someone the way their Source sees them. Source=God=Infinite Intelligence.

My father was a good man.  He had so much going for him and I was able to see through all the veils I had in front of me regarding him and who he was.  We are all here doing the best we can and I feel fortunate to have been able to call him “Dad” later in life.  I AM AT PEACE!

3 Questions Shamanic Healers Ask

Great News To Me!  I met my friends to go to the Hollywood Bowl.  At one friend’s house, I was  washing my hands while I broke into a song.   I was singing it with heart.   As I came out of the restroom my friend said, “that is one of the questions Shamanic Healers ask their patients…when is the last time you sang”?   Cool, I was doing something right.

Then,  driving in traffic with lots of time to talk, I told them about my dancing experience on Saturday night.   It had been a long time since I’d been out in the dancing scene.   I loved it because everyone was just out on the floor dancing with everyone else.   All the guys were out there with their friends instead of standing around watching all the girls on the floor dancing.   It was such a blast.   I had so much fun…a ton of fun. After I finished telling them, Susan said, “you know that is the second question the Shamanic Healers ask, when was the last time you danced”? Well, hey now, I was doing 2 things right now.

As we sat in that Hollywood wonder of the Hollywood Bowl eating our appetizers and drinking our Sangria, I told them the story that Donald Trump had told us at our National Training Event.   He explained that he always throws the biggest best events and invites the greatest entertainers to come…Elton John, Celine Dion, etc. The best of the best.   He had been in a lounge one night and caught a lounge act that just blew him away. They were so talented.   So talented that he asked them to be his frontliner for his next big charity event.   They were taken aback by his offer, but as he told them, you guys are amazingly talented.   I want you there.   They agreed.

By the time the night of the event rolled around, Donald got a call from one of the guys, “George was in an accident and I am sick, we won’t be coming”.  Somehow though, Donald knew it was their fear coming up with excuses.   The moral of the story is this…it takes more than talent to be a success.   You have to be willing to step into an uncomfortable world.   You have to be willing to step into fear and get past it, not withdraw and shrink back away from it.   You can have all the talent in the world and it won’t be enough to make you successful.   These two guys will always be a lounge act because they don’t have the extra guts to get them beyond their comfort zone.

After I told the story, Susan said, “you know, Tara, that is the 3rd question the Shamanic Healers ask, when is the last time you told a story”.   I guess I am healthy and living fully.   All within the last few hours, I  sang with heart, danced with gusto, and told an inspiring story.    I am living life bigger and brighter than I have ever lived up to this point.    Yes, I am healthy and alive!